Hamsters in Washing Machines

I can't count how many times I have voluntarily and involuntarily watched that advertisement.  All those adorable computer generated hamsters rolling around in toasters and washing machines set to that infectious tune that drew us all in and bestowed pop culture credibility upon a little car from Korea.

That clever bit of advertising used the images of toasters and washing machines to reference specific cars, but it reminded me of how often I referred to many less-than-entertaining automobiles as appliances.  I applied that term with a bit of condescension and even disdain.  I pondered the point of building a car or truck that had no real character or soul and who would care so little about these things that they would actually buy one.  Then I acquired two appliances of my own.   

The first didn't strike me as an appliance until I had used it up and replaced it with another item just like it.  I'm on my fourth one now.  Just as my household wouldn't last too long without our washing machine, I can't imagine going a day without my iPhone.  Before my magic slice of Jobs and Ive industrial design pie arrived, I changed phones every three to six months.  I have had an iPhone since 2008, and only replaced it when it became physically incapacitated.  At the core, it is an appliance, its application being that of keeping me connected to people and information both practical and social via data and voice.  It performs these tasks as well as I can realistically hope.  But the term appliance seems so cold and impersonal, that I hesitate to refer to it as such.  What makes my iPhone different from my washing machine?  Siri aside, the iPhone has neither soul nor character, nor does it give me a warm fuzzy feeling when I implement even its most technologically advanced features.  I neither expect nor want it to.  What sets it apart from less glamorous appliances is its feel of quality and its simple interface.  But it is still an appliance.

The second appliance is a 1997 Toyota 4Runner.  It is an old truck with nearly three hundred thousand miles on its odometer.  It gets me from home to work, from Dallas to Houston and back, and to Home Depot for yard supplies.  It does so reliably and without complaint.  More importantly, it does so without drama.  Appliance as it may be, it has earned great respect from its custodians.  I have grown quite attached to it, as was my uncle who owned it before me.  It hasn't transcended its appliance-ness, but it has become soulful and has a character of its own, and I hope to drive it to its last mile.

While most automobiles will never be more than appliances, they need not be washing machines.  Those that are treated with respect and cared for can be made to last for generations and take on a personality and character all their own.  But I fear that planned obsolescence and the disposition toward style and amenities over function and durability mean that fewer and fewer new cars will stand the test of time to earn that respect and care-taking.  So most new cars are still nothing more than appliances.  But there is hope for the future.  A new car with the technological prowess, quality, and ease of use of my iPhone has its place in my garage.  The Tesla Model S will likely be one of the first to fit this bill, but while I'm certain that driving one to work or to the store would be a pleasant experience, I am also certain that it will never provide the sensations or the buzz I used to get from driving my E30 M3.

Which has lead me to think of cars in two distinct roles:  transportation devices and automobiles.  I fear that the era of building true enthusiast automobiles may have passed, with so few attainable drivers' cars available.  But the era of iPhones on wheels has truly just begun.  I leave it to the enthusiasts to preserve our air-cooled 911's and Alfa-Romeos, our E30 M3's and '60's American muscle cars.  These will be our luxury, our pure pleasure.  I'll happily drive an electric touch screen on four wheels on a daily basis as long as I can smell old leather and gasoline when the mood strikes me.  Cue up Red Barchetta and go for a romp in the countryside.

Appliances are not bad things.  Dishwashers, refrigerators, ovens, washers, all make life easier for us.  While we may not develop any emotional connection to them, we surely don't want to give them up.  I don't read new car reviews often anymore.  It really doesn't matter how fast a new Camry is, it's just a nicer way to get to work than a new Malibu.  Just like that new Samsung washer and dryer are surely nicer than our old Maytag units.  Appliance cars no longer will be scorned by me.  I can now recognize and even embrace pure, basic function.  And I can ignore it all and buy another old BMW if and when the 4Runner ever dies.